Here are some quick, practical tips for autistic adults looking to build real friendships:
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Start small and consistent – Join a regular activity or group that matches your interests (e.g., book clubs, gaming meetups, hobby classes). Repeated contact builds familiarity and trust.
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Quality over quantity – Focus on one or two connections rather than trying to be social with many people at once.
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Be curious, not performative – Ask genuine questions about the other person, but only if you’re interested. You don’t have to fake enthusiasm.
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Name what you want – It’s okay to say, “I’d like to get to know you better,” or “I’m looking for real friendship, not just small talk.”
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Accept your pace – You might need more downtime between social interactions. That doesn’t mean you’re failing at friendship.
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Use scripts or structure – Having a go-to way of initiating plans or conversation can reduce anxiety and increase clarity.
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Look for other neurodivergent folks – They may share your communication style and sensory preferences, making connection easier.
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Clarify expectations – It’s okay to ask, “How often do you like to text or hang out?” to prevent confusion or mismatched needs.